Mosskat's Plodding
May 15
leeeeverett:
today these two kids in my math class were hitting each other with pencils and my teacher glared at them and said “could you try to be a little more mature?”
one of them screamed “TAXES” and punched the other kid in the face
(via theblackship)

(via theblackship)
May 09
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*Pollen accidentally enters body*
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Immune system:
What the hell is that?
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Pollen:
Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
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Immune system:
OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
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Pollen:
What?!? No! We just got lo-
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Immune system:
OPEN THE FLOODGATES
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Pollen:
The what?
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Mucus membranes:
Sir. All the floodgates?
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Immune system:
ALL OF THEM.
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Pollen:
Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-
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[Dramatic music]
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Me:
*Sneezes*
Apr 28
if countries were students
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Australia:
The class clown who makes everyone laugh
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America:
The jock who loves themselves and everyone secretly hates
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Canada:
The nice person who offers to show you around on your first day
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England:
The hot boy everybody wants to bang because he's a gentlemen
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New Zealand:
Australia's little brother who is the only one who thinks Australia sucks
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The Netherlands:
That high kid in the back that everyone just ignores
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France:
The romantic playboy who hangs around England too much
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China:
The overly smart kid who puts his hand up for every question
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Russia:
The scary large kid that nobody talks to because they'll probably get stabbed
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Ireland:
England's short drunk friend who nobody understands but likes

(Source: libbylumos, via theblackship)
Apr 27

andrewbreitel:
ArrREST m eE OFFICeR!!!!!!!

(Source: hornyyouth, via theblackship)
hoeskimos:
[throws a rock at your window] do u have any chicken nuggets
(via theblackship)

fuckyeahretailrobin:
Over the course of a few months, I’ve noticed that the particularly horrible customers (I mean the ones that go out of their way to be nasty, to be contrary, to make you personally regret ever taking this job because they would come into your life eventually) all show up around the time that the full moon appears.
Now I’m no believer in astrology. But I’m just saying that the last week has brought me almost to a mental breakdown from the horrible customers, yesterday was the worst day of all, last night was the full moon, and today every customer is complacent and decent.
Anyone else a believer in Moon Theory and modern-day lunatics?
[video]

(Source: spacecadet, via the-ren)